Merry Christmas, bah humbug, ho ho ho or however you spend December 25th. Spending the holidays with my favorite Ryan family. A two-day car trip ended well.  No deaths or fatal injuries. I did however fall out the garage door and hurt my ankle pretty bad on my way to load the car. We landed with ease. I had some nice naps on our way. Papa surprised the little ones and we enjoyed a nice family dinner  . Our first day was chalked full of adventure. We went Ice skating and then to the new Star Wars. Mom, Madman, and I deff fell  asleep during it . She sounded like chewbacca. It was great, especially the death glares from the lady next to mom. 
We had a blast. The day before Christmas we went to the store and gathered the goodies to bake and snack the day away. Nap time came and went and then we opened presents. I got a taser. I feel like a soccer mom now, with my Toyota Highlander. After the shock of gifts past we put the little ones to bed. The stocking were hung ,the boys in bed while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. They waited on Santa like kids in cast stores. I could hear them giggling and chattering all night. Waiting until they could get out of bed. Waiting on the boys to open their presents was so hard! I loved seeing the beauty of a child’s Christmas. This was my first adult Christmas and I had lost sight of what’s important. I loved watching Maddan and Dasches faces light up when they opened each present. Christmas for me is family.

The day after Christmas Jem Madman and I went to the movie Sing for his birthday. It was super cute. We came home to have some buffalo burgers and I made some quail poppers. While playing video games Blitz knocked the tree over. It was a sight.

My mom, Jem and I all went to the beach it was fun girls day out. Mom made friends and we all had fun walking down the beach. The next day mom and I got up early and headed to the beach to find sea shells. My favorite thing growing up while on vacation was hunting down sea shells. I absolutely loved it. So we hunted sea shells and played a game we used to play everyday before bed. She would say a word and I would have to say a word that first came to mind. For example she said biscuits and I would say gravy, she asked me love and I said “him”, she said yous name and I said hope. She said she had another word for you and I just laughed and rolled my eyes. Our walk ended in my mom almost getting washed away and getting drowned by a wave.

We spent the next day going to the park with the boys and getting ice cream. The day before Maddmans birthday Jemma and I had a nice workout and walk on the beach. We talked about life and contemplated the future. I really enjoy my time with her. When We went home Papa, Gigi, and I all had a whipped cream fight. It doesn’t snow in Florida so we made our own.

In the afternoon Alek, Jem, and I went to the movies to watch “Why Him”. It was funny. Kinda made me think about my future you. On our way out Alek and Jem were fighting over who was going to drive so they rushed out to the car and Alek accidentally shut her arm in the door. Turns out he broke her radius 🙄. He said she should have dinner ready next time 😂.

As my days flew by it was hard to believe News Years eve came and passed.we took family pictures and hung out most of the day. I escaped and went to the beach for a bit with mom and saw the massive beauty of the white caps rolling over. Knowing nothing spectacular was going to happen this year I hung out with family and past out by 11. Waking up there is none of this new year new me. I’m still the same sarcastic asshole I was when I went to bed last night.

Mum and dad leaving was pretty tough. I spent the next day hanging out with the boys. We went to the beach and chased the birds 🐦. I had so much fun with them. We went to Walmart and got all kinds of snacks then went home-made lunch and camped out the rest of the day watching movies and playing video games. We watch the old black and white scary movies. They are my favorites. I literally used to sit and watch them with my parents all the time.

Over the rest of my stay in Florida Jemma and I went to Orlando for a fun-filled two days! It was a blast to have a sister again that wasn’t a mom for a short period. We went to the Willy Wonka factory and had amazing milkshakes and crazy food! I had a rice krispy that was bigger than my head and she went into a chocolate coma. We checked out down town Disney and ventured to the mall. We went into to Tiffany’s which was a terrible idea 🙄. We spent the rest of our time at the hotel wearing face mask and being girly! The next day we got up and went to the Haunted Masion Escape Room! Most awesome thing ever! It was so much fun! I really enjoyed it. We then made the 6 hour drive home. Jemma and I spent a lot of time together during my remaining days with the boys. We watched scary movies and went to the gym.

In Florida I’ve learned a lot. That’s a very basic sentence, but what  I learned wasn’t complex. I learned to relax to smell the roses. I learned there isn’t always a place I have to be and there is not a time I always have to be there. Anyone who knows me knows I am a planner, I’m an organizer, and I love to be early for everything. On my trip through Orange County , I learned; patience is a virte that i needed some more practice in, it’s okay to be late and not apologize, don’t regret food as long as it fits in your macros ( you can always workout later), And I learned it’s okay to imagine things and see things in a different light. I went back to elementary school and I  learned the rules of the play ground. Boy, was It  a trip I needed. A six and a four-year old taught me more about life than any classroom ever could. I learned to use my imagination again and think outside the box. (Literally went to an escape room and had to get out.) I got to see the beauty of the world through such innocent eyes. I heard jokes and silliness I hadn’t in a long time. I built sand castles, danced, sang, built forks ( aka forts), I played video games, snuggled, laughed, cried , played mean aunt Jaden, and the best Aunt Bug. I took a month of not going out every night, not having papers due, no work , and my heart loosened. The walls are slowly coming down.

I went hiking one day in Florida and the littlest duck Maddan in our tribe kept stopping to pick up sticks. I kept telling him to hurry up , until I realized he’s taking this in. He’s enjoying being outside and just being there. That’s when it hit me. Life goes by so quick we shouldn’t hurry the precious moments of life and that snacks are always necessary when hiking.  
I learned I love children more than I thought, but I am nowhere near ready to be a mom. When I was with you I had that “stupid” thought I am ready to start my life and have children. A month with my sisters kids has been the Best birth control ever. I don’t mean it by them being bad or me not wanting to be around them. I just mean it in the sense of I am not ready. Having a baby is like getting a face tattoo you need to be committed.

 The boys make my heart so happy. They show me a new side of life and surprise me all the time. I’m so Happy i have gotten the chance to be apart of their lives. I am grateful for a sister and brother-in-law who lets me come to their home and stay so long and spend time with their children. Hearing the boys say I love you Aunt Bug without being told to melts my heart. I am so lucky to have such amazing boys in my life.

Jemma learned me up really well also,  while I was at her home. Jem taught me about clean eating, being a mom is tough work,  and lastly she taught me it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. I have always been the one to ask for permission. I never had it in me to color outside the lines until recently. I told her everything I wanted to do, but was to scared to do it. I was scared mom and dad wouldn’t approve and would be mad. She reminded me it was my life and my choice, Jemma reminded me that as long as I didnt go Mike Tyson crazy with face tats, I would be okay, so I pierced my nose, cut my hair off and dyed it blue and purple. I sent mom and dad pictures and they were perfectly okay with it.

 Jemma has been the best sister. We fuss sometimes but it has been so nice having her back in my life. I forgot how tore up Inwas when she left for the military. I had lost my best friend. At first I lost her tot he military and then I “lost” her to her new family. That was just how I saw it as a 12 year old. Now I am so thankful she found a good man and built a home. As the years have gone by it’s been hard but with technolgy we have kept up. I didnt realize how much I still needed her. Its really cool to see how close we still are.I loved getting to spend time with her and our time being girly like sisters do. It made me laugh braiding her hair and doing things normal sisters do. We are so far apart in age I had forgotten what it was like to have a big sister around. I am so happy, I got to come spend time with her.

Alek. At first I didn’t like him at all. It was only because he took my big sister away is how I saw it, but now I really am happy they are together. He is honestly so good to my sister and the boys. It is amazing to see him work all day and come to have to do homework and still make time to make Jem happy and the boys. He showed me something I want in my next someone. I want someone who thinks of me and tries their damnedest to me happy. Alek is always doing little things to make Jemma happy and make the boys smile. With his job he isnt home much, but seeing him while he is was really cool. I enjoyed seeing how much my nephews looked up to their parents. I hope my kiddos one day love me as much as these boys love their parents.